Please Vote, Sound Off & We’ll Accept A Gallery Showing – EVERY YEAR my family gets together for the holiday and at some point fight like caged animals over who REALLY has the best Christmas plate made in kindergarten. THIS IS SERIOUS BUISNESS! – Is it Colleen the oldest with her *Pissed Off Purple Pilgrim Sweeping Snowman with a Chain-link Tree & Urineballs. Or Tara the 2nd oldest and her *Carrot Rocket-ship House Rained on by Pretzels & Smaller Urineballs. Possibly Patrick the only boy and loved the most by their Mommy and Daddy for considerately including them in his *Dyslexic Werry Chr i Stma s 1978 Pretty Damn AMAZING Christmas Tree. Just maybe the baby Cathy with her *1984 Christmas Present Jenga Tree with Hearts, Blood Splatter, even smaller Unrinballs, a Red Something? and dare I say Witch flying around… Yes… A WITCH. Werry Chr i Stma s Everyone! Peej
The debate always ends when the next generation plate by my niece gets broken out. It’s a game ender with her “2007 Mary Of Nazareth Tossing A Caterpillar Baby Jesus Over The Manger While The Sun Beams Down”. GAME OVER! Winner Briggy!
THE RESULTS!
WELL WELL… after all the votes… turns out the winner is (Drum Roll)…. PATRICK! Patricks plate was so popular in 1978 is spawned “imitations”. Like Rich Scampoli’s valid attempt to capture the awesomeness of his classmate’s tree while sitting next to him in art because his last name ended in a “W” and his own “S”. Although similar in style Ricky’s tree clearly would not match the sheer size and girth of the young Irishman Patrick’s. It also clearly lacked a couple presents to cradled underneath. You might ask… is this one long Penis & testacies joke 25 years in the making… you betcha! Coming in a very surprising second place is… The baby Cathy! The people embraced Cak, Cak’s Picasso all fall holiday plate! Colleen’s Purple plate held the 3rd place spot. Overconfident like the Russian Ivan Drago is Rocky V it fell from grace. Taking in the last spot is Tara who God bestowed 4 boys in response to creating a carrot house. The people have spoken! They let the world know… they want a Werry Chr i Stma s! WINNER! PATRICK!
Last nights second show was the closest thing I’ve had to that feeling you get as a kid on Christmas morning. The lead up, excitement and joy. This happens to me every time I know a Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airmen who I had the opportunity to entertain in Iraq or Afghanistan comes to see me here back home. Knowing they made it back and I get to see them HERE ALIVE! Nothing in my life has this kind of significance, importance and is as internally powerful. The joy is completely fueled by relief. In some cases seeing them can/has been difficult. Life back home is far from easy for a good number of our heroes. But seeing them, shaking their hand & sharing that manly or womanly hug let’s me know whatever fight they may be having at least it’s here on the home front now. My respect, friendship, support and loyalty will never waver and is always accessible. I grew up with only sisters. Who undoubtedly bring my life’s biggest joys. In a way I have always searched for a brother… I have found many. In life, the military and even the entertainment world. What is life without true bonds between humans? Just wandering I would think. I have been fortunate to never wander. Which brings me to last night. My friend here is named Micah Clifton. We met in Iraq where he was in charge of keeping myself and the other comedians safe. I bonded with Micah tighter then any other service member over all my years. I have zero doubt it was do to his great sense of humor that complimented an incredible professionalism. His job was to keep us ignorant, safe & clear of the possible dangers that could and did come upon us. He was/is simply the BEST I have ever encountered at giving you a smile that tricked you into thinking everything is fine. I know this because since he’s been out I have gotten the “let me tell you what was REALLY happening THAT DAY talk”. When I tell you it takes a truly special kind of person to be able to navigate situation like those. Please understand my words here can never do his courage justice. Micah is one example of so many men and woman who under our colors function in ways most could never even comprehend and they hope you never do. Micah’s just one story, he’s my protector, my Christmas morning… My Brother! You made it f*cking back! Will love you till my final breath!
